« Headlines That, In Retrospect, Suggest Unfortunate Images of Toddlers Purchasing Marlboro Lights | Main | In Wednesday's Issue of the Pulse »
March 15, 2005
This Is, At Least, How We'd Like to Imagine It
Firefighters Have Tense Moments In Saving Most Of Apartment Building
JERRY: Hey, Ralphie, hurry it up! This thing's taking off up here and we got a kink in the forward lay! Get that hose straightened out!
(RALPHIE does not move)
JERRY: Hey, moron, what are ya, deaf? I need more pressure up here! Move your ass!
RALPHIE: Stop yelling at me.
JERRY: What? The hell you talkin'?
RALPHIE: Stop yelling. You're always yelling at me. (Mimicking) "Ralphie, there's a three-alarm here! Ralphie, there's a four-alarm there! Ralphie, stop eating that doughnut and fix the reverse lay! Ralphie, I can't do anything by myself and I'm all scared of the big fire with its hot flames and spooky smoke so I'm going to scream my head off at you like a GREAT BIG BABY!"
JERRY: I don't act that way. Go to hell.
RALPHIE: You go to hell.
JERRY: Douchebag.
RALPHIE: Asshat.
(They stare at each other, seething. Smoke comes up from their heads. Which sort of makes sense, considering that they are in a fire. Finally, JERRY chuckles)
JERRY: You know, I always thought the phrase "asshat" was really funny. I mean, what would a hat made of ass look like?
RALPHIE (Also starting to grin): I know... And, for that matter, is it a hat made of ass, or an ass made of hat? Can you imagine somebody's buttocks that looked like one of those big cowboy things, whaddya call 'em?
JERRY: Stetsons.
RALPHIE: Yeah, that. That'd be funny.
JERRY: Could be, could be.
(They stare at each other again)
JERRY: Listen, Ralphie, I'll try not to yell so much. It just gets a little intense out here sometimes.
RALPHIE: Hey, that's big of ya. Thanks. And I'm sorry about the "great big baby" crack.
JERRY: No problem, buddy. Now, you wanna straighten out that hose kink? We're running out of water up front.
RALPHIE: What's the magic word?
JERRY: Please.
RALPHIE: My pleasure.
(He walks to the hose)
END
| By mesh | 10:54 AM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://chattablogs.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/19415
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference This Is, At Least, How We'd Like to Imagine It:
